Stress in children can present much like stress in adults. There are similarities in the causes, symptoms, and strategies to relieve the stress. However, there are also some key differences. Children, especially young children, are in earlier stages of brain development. They have not had nearly as many opportunities to learn and grow mentally and emotionally. Also, do not have as much control in daily decision making as adults do. They rely on us, the adults in their lives, to make the decisions that most impact their lives, such as where they live and how they’re educated. It’s up to us to care for them and to guide them. That’s a lot of responsibility isn’t it?
Everything is going to be okay. I’m here for you, to guide you and to support you along the way.
Signs of Stress in Children
Chances are if you’ve landed here you already know the signs of stress in children, sometimes physical, behavioral, emotional, or a combination. There may be bad moods, aggression, sadness, resistance to separation, emotional fluctuations, fears, control seeking, nervous habits, distraction, outbursts, resistance to be with others or go to certain environments, or a combination. The child may be bothered by unexplained pain or discomfort, have trouble sleeping, wake up with nightmares, change eating habits, or wet the bed.
Believe it or not, all of these signs can happen in adults, they may just look different. A young child may cling to the leg of a parent and refuse to let go while an adult may become upset when a partner or friend chooses to be alone instead of spend time together. I know you’re thinking it, so I’ll just come right out and clarify. Yes, adults can wet the bed due to stress, though it’s far more common among children. Adults are more likely to wake up multiple times per night to use the bathroom due to stress.
Causes of Stress in Children
When we think of the possible causes of stress we often think of the big, obvious possibilities. Sure, there may have been a huge life event like the death or serious illness of a family member or close friend, a long-distance move, parent divorce or instability, or something similar. It goes without saying that those things would be risk factors for stress in children.
However, it’s often not that obvious. Many parents wonder why their children would be so stressed in the absence of a big, obvious source of stress. It’s important to remember that smaller stressors, especially when they are combined with other small stressors, can make a big impact. Scary events in movies or books, bothersome news, pressures to do well in school or extracurricular activities, excessive responsibilities, bullying, pressure to fit in with peers, and social media can all be enormous stressors for children.
So, what does all that mean?
In sort, kids face stressful events every single day, just like adults. They have thoughts and feelings that shape their actions, again, just like adults. Even kids who aren’t experiencing big, traumatic stressful events can have high stress levels because they all add up. What’s more, stress can linger if it isn’t relieved regularly. This means that little events can build and build over time until kids are suffering from high stress every single day. That makes it far more likely for one, small stressor to set things off.
The good news is that stress levels can be lowered. Additionally, stress levels can be maintained so those small stressors have less impact. This is true for kids and adults. That brings us to the purpose of this article: how to relieve stress (and maintain low levels of stress).
7 Ways to Relieve Stress in Children:
1. Reassure them that they are safe and loved.
Understanding and compassion can go a long way in reducing stress levels. Kids need to feel safe and loved, especially when they’re stressed. When kids show signs of stress, especially the signs involving behavior issues, it can be a natural reaction for adults to become frustrated, annoyed, or angry. It’s important to pause and consider why the child may be acting a certain way or showing signs of stress – and it’s generally not because they are trying to cause problems or misbehave. They are often simply out of control and needing something.
Consider how you feel when you’re stressed, afraid, or needing support.
If you were having a hard time, how would you feel if a friend or family member scolded you when you really just needed some reassurance or a hug?
It’s the same thing with stressed kids, except kids are still learning how to express what they’re feeling and what they need. Actually, most adults are still learning this, too. Every example of a stressed adult snapping at an innocent bystander is proof of this. As adults, we can’t possibly expect kids to always be able to walk up to someone and say “I’m feeling afraid and need comfort” especially if this isn’t something we have taught them.
2. Try to determine the source or sources of stress.
Sometimes the sources of stress in a kid’s life are obvious, and other times they are a complete mystery. Usually it’s a combination of seen and unseen stressors that add up. When a child is outwardly stressed the first step is to meet that immediate need of feeling safe and loved as described above. The second step is to investigate the causes to take that reassurance to the next level, and to prevent it from continuing.
This investigation may include observing the situation and talking with the child. However, when a child is so stressed they are out of control is not the time for that conversation. Once they have calmed enough to think and communication well is the time to initiate a conversation. If they aren’t ready, keep the door open with continues expressions of love and openness.
3. Develop and follow a daily routine.
Following a daily routine can help kids to feel more grounded and secure in their lives. It’s best to develop this routine together so kids are given the opportunity to express their wants and needs. Bonus: their involvement in the process really helps to get them on board with following through.
The details of the daily routine will depend on the schedules, priorities, and needs of each family. It is best to have at least a simple morning and evening routine. The morning routine helps to get the day started on the right foot and the evening routine encourages a smooth transition to bedtime.
Related: Easy Sleep Routine Changes to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep
4. Come up with a list of coping strategies.
Kids need healthy, beneficial coping strategies to manage stress. When they’re feeling excessively stressed is not the time to expect them to think of such strategies on their own. Come up with a list of coping strategies together when everyone is feeling ready for a conversation.
Possible coping strategies may include cuddling a plush toy, spending time alone, playing with a stress toy, breathing exercises, visualizations, thinking or saying calming words or phrases, talking to someone, or anything safe and effective for the child. Remember, the strategies that work depend on each unique child.
It can be helpful to make a safe, comfortable area in the home (or school, daycare, etc.) for children to go when they’re stressed. Writing (including pictures, especially for young kids) and hanging a list of strategies on the wall makes the suggestions easily accessible for kids when they need them most. This is helpful for adults, too, so they can more easily remind kids of the strategies when needed.
5. Incorporate relaxation and brain exercises.
While relaxation and brain exercises are technically coping strategies, they are so important and impactful that they get their own section. These have been the absolute biggest game changers for my clients, my daughter, and for me. Generic relaxation recordings can be found online. Personalized relaxation recordings are more effective, and children are more likely to use relaxation recordings made just for them.
As for brain exercises, I highly recommend personalized, professional support. Recordings can be made to address and overcome specific challenges. They’re life-changing, to say the least. If this is not feasible right away, keep it in mind as an option to try if the other suggestions are not enough.
6. Talk to teachers and other adults involved in care.
When kids are stressed, it’s important to look beyond what happens at home and right in front of our eyes. Teachers and other caregivers can help by providing information about stress levels and possible sources of stress outside the home. They can also help to identify and encourage effective coping strategies. Conversations can go a long way in supporting the child to reduce and manage stress in all environments.
7. Lead by example.
There’s no way around this one. Kids look to their parents and other adults in their lives (far more than they listen). Lead by example. Show them how to reduce and manage stress by monitoring your own mind, body, and needs, and by prioritizing your own relaxation.
A stressed parent can’t calm a stressed child.
Leading by example helps to guide children in their own care and enables you to actively guide them from a place of calm as opposed to trying to support them while stressed. Interactions between kids and adults are far more positive when adults are calm. What’s more, kids are impacted by the stress or calm around them. This means that when they are with people who are stressed, they are more likely to become more stressed, and when they are with people who are relaxed that are more likely to relax. Do you want to parent from a place of stress or calm? Prioritizing your own wellbeing is beneficial to your children, to you, and to the entire family.
Bonus: Seek help when needed.
It would be great if we could all implement some tips and turn everything around. That’s just not reality. Some children and adults need more support, which has absolutely nothing to do with the quality of the parent. Even superheroes need some support sometimes. Some situations simply need more customization or more in-depth strategies than can be provided in a blog post. Seek and accept the support.
Feeling a little overwhelmed? Think you may benefit from customized, in-depth support? I’ve got your back. Click here to learn more.
That was a lot of information. To simplify, I’ll provide a summary of the 7 ways to relieve stress in children.
7 Ways to Relieve Stress in Children:
- Reassure them that they are safe and loved. When kids act out, they are often begging for help satisfying a need.
- Try to determine the source or sources of stress. It is often caused by many smaller stressors adding up over time, especially where there hasn’t been a big, obvious event at the root of the problem.
- Develop and follow a daily routine. Come up with a plan, together, that is in line with priorities and fits needs.
- Come up with a list of coping strategies. Customize the list together to cater to the needs and preferences of the child.
- Incorporate relaxation and brain exercises. Personalized recordings are ideal, but even generic recordings can help a lot.
- Talk to teachers and other adults involved in care. Making sure the whole team is on the same page prevents confusion and contradiction, which helps everything come together.
- Lead by example. Stressed adults stress kids, and calm adults calm kids.
Bonus: Seek help when needed. Nobody can do it all. Superheroes get the help they need so they can help others.
Know you will need more than these 7 tips? I’ve got your back. Click here to learn more about support options.
This blog post relates seven (seven ways to relieve stress in children). Here are some more blog posts related to the word “seven” (but not about stress in children) from other sites:
Seven Reasons I Love Living in the Czech Republic
7 Things to Remember When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed
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