It’s an unusual time to be a kid. There are changes in educational and social norms that even mature adults struggle to grasp. It can be wearing on anyone. Gifted kids have special considerations even under ideal circumstances. There is also increased demand on teachers, leaving them even more pressed and short on resources. This makes it especially difficult for them to provide adaptations for kids with learning differences. At home, parents have more to deal with and are stretched thin, too. This is a recipe for gifted kid burnout.
What is gifted kid burnout?
Gifted kid burnout is when kids who have a history of performing above what is average for their age or grade become overwhelmed, stressed, bored, perfectionistic, needing of praise or gratification, or tired of the strains. They begin to underperform, develop behavioral issued, or are no longer interested in putting forth effort in things that previously interested them. Many gifted kids tend to run hot. They become very engaged or involved when something interests them. This means they may be more prone to burnout than other kids.
There’s also an element of difficulty in finding things that challenge them. Parents, teachers, and other adults tend to try a lot of different activities and approaches, which is good. However, it can be a lot for a kid to process. There is a difficult balance between the boredom of everything being too easy and the overwhelm of being presented with things typically reserved for much older kids. To add fuel to the fire, the appropriate level tends to change frequently, making burnout a common occurrence.
Gifted kid burnout is a challenge, that’s for sure. The best thing about challenges is that they are really opportunities in disguise. There’s always something parents and other adults can do to help guide children through this challenge. First, it’s important to consider the possible causes.
Causes of gifted kid burnout:
Burnout is caused by a variety of different things. Each cause calls for a different approach in addressing the problem. Let’s take a look at some of the common possibilities among gifted kids.
Too many activities
Many parents of gifted kids find it difficult to keep them engaged. One strategy against extreme, perpetual boredom is to get kids involved in extracurricular activities. This stimulates their brains and gets their bodies active. It’s a great approach, until it goes too far. Gifted kids may be so far ahead in some areas that it’s easy to forget they’re still kids. They have limits to the number of sports practices, music classes, dance lessons, and everything else they can do. Hey, this is true for full-grown adults, too. Get the kids in to activities. At the same time, keep moderation in mind when considering what to do and not to do each season.
Too much pressure to perform
Gifted kids are notorious for feeling a pressure to perform. This could be internal, external, or both (usually some combination of both). Let’s face reality: adults can get used to gifted kids being able to do almost unbelievable things. He started reading at what age?! She knew more about history than her teacher in what grade?! At some point it turns into a surprise when that same child struggles to do something most kids their age can’t do. As parents, teachers, and adults in the lives of these children it becomes almost second nature to expect that they will be able to do so many things well. The truth is that no person in the history of the human race has ever been great at everything.
Then there’s the internal side. Gifted kids may become used to getting their self-worth from their accomplishments. They may crave the positive validation they receive from their accomplishments. They begin to strive to impress others with their abilities because they crave that external validation. An element of perfectionism can make it almost unbearable when they don’t perform well, which of course will happen from time to time. To make matters even more difficult, they’re still kids. They often don’t yet have the emotional maturity to be able to weather the storm when they don’t measure up to their own expectations.
Not being challenged enough
It may seem counterintuitive, but not being challenged enough can lead to gifted kid burnout. Constant boredom, in school or outside school, is surprisingly exhausting. This isn’t to say that kids should never be bored. It’s actually good to be bored sometimes, but there needs to be stimulation, too. Gifted can be extra prone to excessive boredom as much of what they experience among children their own age is often boring to them.
Not having someone they can really relate to
There’s no doubt that gifted kids are different from most of their peers, which can be incredibly difficult at times. They may face isolation, bullying, and a feeling of not being able to fit in with their social circles. Humans, including kids, need community to thrive. They need a sense of belonging and companionship. That can be difficult for anyone who is substantially different from the majority to find in school or other social settings. They may gravitate toward older kids and adults, and then feel lonely in the classroom with children their age. This is something that can exacerbate the other causes of burnout.
Life stressors
Sometimes there are life stressors unrelated to giftedness, school, performance, or boredom that contribute to burnout. Perhaps there is an illness or injury of someone close to them, a big change or transition, or even something seemingly small can actually be a big stressor depending on how it is processed. Everything adds up. It’s generally not just one thing, rather, the combination of multiple life events, situations, and environments.
Now that we have covered some of the most common causes of gifted kid burnout, let’s explore some possible solutions.
What to do about gifted kid burnout:
As you probably noticed from the causes of burnout, some of them are contradictory and therefore would require different approaches to address the problem. For example, burnout caused by boredom or not being challenged enough calls for an entirely different approach from burnout caused by too many activities.
Determine the cause and address it, if possible.
So, the first step to address burnout is to determine what is draining your child so you can address the problem from the source instead of trying to guess what may help (which could end up making the issue worse).
Some cases and solutions are obvious. When a child has a schedule packed every day from sunup until sundown and falls asleep in the car on the way to the next activity the easy fix is to cut back. However, sometimes the cause is not that clear, and the solution is even more hidden than the cause.
A child may come home from school upset or closed off and not want to discuss it or may not know how to effectively identify and discuss the problem. Even if the cause is known it may not be an easy fix. The educational options to keep them challenged at school may be limited or may take time to implement, and we can’t force kids to be friends with other kids. The good news is that there is another strategy to use when the cause is unknown or when elements are out of our control.
Help them find ways to rejuvenate.
Regardless of the cause of burnout, everyone needs things they can do to rejuvenate. Help your child find things that fill their mental and emotional tanks. These may be the same things they do when they’re feeling bored and overly bogged down because they get an escape.
Some examples or rejuvenating activities may be sports, other physical activities (even if it’s just a walk around the neighborhood), art and craft projects, card/board games, puzzles, music (to play or listen), relaxation techniques, brain exercises, yoga or meditation, taking with someone, and video games (gasp).
That last one may seem insane due to the controversies of screen time and video game content, but when played in moderation, video games can actually be a good way to rejuvenate. Obviously there needs to be some balance. The games can’t be played instead of homework and into the wee hours of the morning at the sacrifice of sleep, but there is something to be said about that break to rejuvenate with a game (even if it’s electronic).
That covers the basics of what can be done about gifted kid burnout. The details will depend on the situation, the cause or causes of burnout, and the individual needs of each unique child.
Now, how can we move from gifted kid burnout, through the recovery phase, and on to thriving?
How to Thrive:
One big obstacle that prevents gifted kids, all kids, and people in general from thriving is the big picture. We must consider the complete environment. In order to fully thrive, all the individual components of the larger environment need to be functioning as well as possible. They need to be functioning well together. This includes the child functioning on a good rhythm for them, and the parents functioning on their own rhythm. It includes the family unit functioning well together, a school environment that is a good enough fit for them. Also, it means extracurricular activities and social worlds contribute more positives than negatives. This certainly doesn’t mean everything needs to be perfect, partially because it never will be and because it really doesn’t have to be. Everything just needs to be good enough.
Before you start worrying about overhauling the entire system to create a completely new environment, there are a few simple tweaks that can go a long way.
Check your thoughts.
Two (hypothetical) identical people can be thrown into the exact same environment and have completely different experiences. One may have an absolutely horrible experience while the other has the best experience of their life. So, what’s different? I lot of it comes down to the way we think about our circumstances. The simple fix here is to first change the thought patterns surrounding the less-than-great circumstances or environments. Reevaluate one the thoughts and feelings have turned from negative to positive. Sometimes that takes care of the issues and a change is no longer needed. If it is decided that a change is still needed, the positive thoughts and feelings will come along with a clear mind to make the best decisions about a change.
Manage stress.
Parenting comes with a lot of stressors. This is especially true when you have a child with needs that are different from those of most other children. That doesn’t mean your stress level has to be high. Stress level is determined by our reactions to stress. Thankfully, we have the ability to take control of our reactions to stress. Make sure to keep your stress in check to have positive, productive interactions with your child that foster beneficial changes and a strong relationship. Just like the kids, parents need things that rejuvenate them, too. Find what works for you and make the time for it. This will be time worth spent, even in an already packed schedule.
Set an example.
Kids learn by watching far more than by listening. If they see you making stress management, relaxation, and self-care a priority, they will be more likely to follow suit. It’s harder to follow when they simply hear you telling them about the importance. The added bonus is that all family members will be able to get ideas from one another. Further, that mutual understanding of the need for rejuvenation will help everyone support one another. The family can work together to make the time for those activities. This means everyone will get far fewer interruptions and more companionship in rejuvenation, making it more productive and beneficial. That brings us to the next point.
Try to double dip whenever possible.
If you can get your rejuvenation with your child, by taking a walk together, for example, it’s more than double beneficial. The actual activity is less important than being able to accomplish two priorities in one go. This applies to more than just rejuvenation.
Perhaps your child needs more stimulation to combat boredom and needs to socialize to build community. They may really benefit from trying a sport or activity with other children who could become friends. This could even be a triple dip if the time your child participates in that new activity allows you to rejuvenate. Socializing with other parents or enjoying time to yourself are great options.
Talk to your child and other family members to come up with a plan that works for all of you. Get creative and have fun with it! Even the planning process could be approached as a game.
Get support when needed.
Parenting is a challenge and an opportunity. Gifted kids are wonderful. They are magical, just like all kids. That doesn’t mean parents need to do it all alone. Magical superheroes need support, too. Recognize when you are starting to feel stressed or overloaded. Get the help for your child and for yourself.
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What you need to know about gifted kid burnout and the opportunity to thrive:
- Gifted kids are extra prone to burnout. This is when they become overwhelmed, stressed, bored, perfectionistic, needing of praise or gratification, or tired of the strains. They begin to underperform, develop behavioral issued, or are no longer interested in putting forth effort in things they previously enjoyed.
- Burnout among gifted kids may be caused by too many activities, too much pressure to perform, boredom or not being challenged enough, not having someone they can relate to, other stressors, or something else.
- To help a child overcome gifted kid burnout, try to determine the cause and address it from the source whenever possible.
- Regardless of the cause of burnout, gifted kids (and everyone) need to determine and do things that help them to rejuvenate.
- Gifted kids and their families can thrive by checking and consciously choosing thoughts, when parents and kids manage stress, when parents set the example for their kids that they want them to follow, and by double dipping as a family to accomplish more than one goal with one action.
- Get support when needed.
This blog post relates to opportunity (the opportunity to shift from gifted kid burnout to thriving). Here are some more blog posts related to the word “opportunity” (but not about gifted kids and thriving) from other sites:
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