Anxiety and fear are similar and linked. However, they are two different things. We’ll get to the part about how to help kids with anxiety and fear later. First, it’s important to know the terms.
Fear vs. Anxiety
Fear and anxiety are both emotions. They are like alarms that warns us of threats. The purpose of these emotions is to tell us we need to do something to prevent danger. They can both lead to physical reaction in our bodies. Examples of these reactions include fast heartbeat, tense muscles, upset stomach, and a general feeling of unease.
There is a big difference between a fear and an anxiety. A fear is a warning or response to something that is about to happen. It is more short-term. An anxiety, on the other hand, is more long-term. It is a warning or response to something coming up in the future. Let’s consider an example.
Many children go through a phase of being afraid of the dark. This can be both a fear and an anxiety. A child may begin to get scared when the lights are turned off and they are lying there in the dark. This is a fear. They may also begin to get nervous around dinner time. This is because they know dinner time means bedtime and darkens are coming soon. The response to anticipated darkness off in the future is an anxiety.
Noticing the differences between anxiety and fear is important. Knowing which one a child experiences can impact how to practically address the situation. There is another element that is often confused and important to consider: anxiety disorder.
Anxiety vs. Anxiety Disorder
There is a difference between anxiety and anxiety disorder. Anxiety is a normal emotion that everyone feels sometimes. It can be a good thing, too. This warning can help prevent bad things from happening and it can motivate positive behaviors. However, extreme anxiety can cause problems.
Anxiety disorder is not a normal part of life for all humans. It is a mental health concern that is diagnosed and treated. Unlike the emotion of anxiety, anxiety disorder prevents people from being able to function in daily life. People with anxiety disorders often avoid situations that may bring on anxiety.
For example, many children fear big dogs. A child may not want to go to a park, ever, for fear a dog may be there. Even when their best friend is meeting them at the park they just won’t go. This is a sign of an anxiety disorder. Fearing big dogs is a common fear among children but avoiding parks at all costs because of it is not. Another sign of anxiety disorder is an anxiety more extreme than considered appropriate for the situation or age. While age and severity of the reaction are considerations, let’s not get carried away.
They’re supposed to be different.
All kids grow on their own timelines and react in their own ways. There is definitely a big, healthy range, and it’s not an exact science. Just because a child still has a fear longer than their peers doesn’t mean there’s a problem. It’s okay if a child has stronger reactions than other children I their social circles. We’re all different, and that’s a good thing. If it becomes a big problem for the child or parents, that’s when it’s time explore further. Talk to a medical or mental health professional if you have concerns about a possible anxiety disorder. They can help support you and the child and provide treatment options.
Before we talk about how to help kids with anxiety and fear, let’s summarize the concepts. Fear and anxiety are both emotions. They warn us of potential danger and are a normal part of life for both kids and adults. Fear warns us of short-term potential danger and anxiety warns us of more long-term potential danger. Anxiety disorder is when anxiety is extreme, interferes with daily life, or is inappropriate for the age or situation. All kids develop differently. Professional support can help parents and kids overcome challenges regardless of the severity.
Now, let’s move on to how to help kids with anxiety and fear.
How to Help Kids with Anxiety and Fear
1. Reassure the child and connect with them.
The first step to help kids with anxiety and fear is to reassure and connect with them. Talk to them. Let them know it’s okay to be afraid sometimes, and that it happens to everyone. Make sure they understand you are on their side, and you are there to help. Try to be available and open for conversation when they are ready. Also, patience may be required. Some children may be shy or embarrassed about revealing their fears to their parents or anyone else.
Sometimes adults think it will help to tell the child not to worry. This may not be as helpful as intended. Depending on wording it can send the message that the fear is silly or not scary. This can be misinterpreted. Children may think they are silly or weak. This does the opposite of what was intended because it can lead to lower self-esteem and increased fear.
So, connect with the child. Reassure them and talk to them. Actually, do more listening than talking. Sometimes being heard can go a long way in overcoming fears. Keep an open mind and be compassionate. Try to think back to what it was like to be a child. If you can’t remember or if your experience was different and you can’t relate, know that it can be hard for kids. They are experiencing so many new, unknown things as they grow, and different can be scary.
2. Try to get to the root of it.
The second step of the process is to try to get to the root of it. What is the source of the fear or anxious feeling? It may show up as just a general feeling without a clear message of why the child is feeling scared or worried. What is that root cause? Even if the source is known, there may be a surface source and a deeper source.
For example, a child who is afraid of the dark may actually fear noises when they can’t see the sources in the dark. It could be strange shadows on the walls, or the way different objects around them look without light. They may have seen or heard a scary story and be afraid of someone breaking into the house. Another possible connection is a fear of being alone. Children may not like to be left alone in the dark. Or, they may have no fear of the dark, but may not like, be comfortable with, or feel safe when not with a parent or trusted adult.
As you can see, seemingly simple and straightforward fears could have a lot of depth. If appropriate, take the conversation with the child to the next level. Try to get to the root of the problem. Ask questions if they are open to it and comfortable. At the same time, make sure to respect their boundaries and limitations. Try to notice if they feel uncomfortable with questions. It’s okay to put the conversation on hold if they are not up to it.
Even if kids want to talk about their worries, they may not be fully aware of them. They may feel a general frightened emotion without knowing what caused it. Or, they may be scared of a specific situation but not know why or what scares them about it. Sometimes this comes from associations that are not obvious to kids or adults. If this is the case, it can be helpful to suggest to the child that they think about the possibilities. With your support, they may be able to make connections on their own.
3. Make sure your needs are met.
The third step is to satisfy your own needs. Consider how humans interact with one another when they are stressed, tired, in pain, or struggling. There are jokes about not talking to mom until she has had her coffee. Children tend to throw tantrums and lash out when things aren’t going well. Compare this to how humans interact when feeling great. There’s collaboration, laughter, and enjoyment. Adults and children are the same in this sense, even if the details are different.
The point is that if you are depleted you may struggle to support the child. Are you stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted, or doing it all alone? It may be time to find some relief, for you and your child. When you are rested, relaxed, and feeling good, you can have more positive and productive interactions. You will be able to think more clearly to plan and follow through to support the child. This will allow you to make a bigger, more positive impact on the situation.
4. Teach the child coping strategies.
Reassurance, comfort, talking, and identifying causes and patterns can go a long way in helping kids overcome fear and anxiety. However, this is only the beginning. If a child still struggles after the first two steps, there is still a lot more help available.
The fourth step is to teach children strategies to help them cope. These coping strategies range from basic to advanced. The more basic strategies can be taught by parents, teachers, and other adults. They may include relaxation, visualization, breathing, journaling, and yoga. If parents are not familiar with coping strategies, psychologists, coaches, and other professionals can teach them to parents to pass on to their children. This is called professional-led parent support. This has an added benefit in that parents can benefit from them, too. Additionally, the more advanced coping strategies should be taught to the child by a trained professional.
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Seek help when needed.
Seek the support of a trained professional when needed. While feelings of fear and anxiety are a normal part of life in moderation, sometimes they can escalate. When the problem becomes more severe, lasts a long time, or interferes with daily life, it is important to seek the help of a mental health provider. A psychologist, psychiatrist, or therapist specializing in pediatrics, such as a child psychologist can evaluate the situation. If necessary, they may diagnose and treat the fear or anxiety.
Summary of How to Help Kids with Anxiety and Fear
We covered a lot of content in this article. It can be confusing and overwhelming, especially when focused on supporting a struggling child. So, let’s review the most important points.
Fear vs. anxiety – fear and anxiety both involve being scared or worried. These feelings are warning signs of potential danger. Fear deals more with possible dangers in the moment while anxiety deans more with possible dangers in the future.
Anxiety vs. anxiety disorder – the feeling of anxiety is something that, in moderation, is a normal part of life. Anxiety disorder, on the other hand, is more severe and significantly interferes with daily life.
Outcomes – regardless of the struggle being classified as a fear, anxiety, or anxiety disorder, there are ways to help. Also, all kids are different and develop in their own ways on their own timelines. That’s a good thing.
How to Help Kids with Anxiety and Fear:
- Reassure the child and connect with them. Have conversations with them. Try to be as open and understanding as possible.
- Try to get to the root of it. Look for possible connections and deeper fears associated with the surface fears.
- Make sure your needs are met. A parent or other adult who is struggling will struggle to support a child. When your needs are met, or at least met enough, you can make a big, positive impact.
- Teach the child coping strategies. Work on things like relaxation, visualization, and breathing. Find strategies that works best for the child and their unique needs.
Professional support – there are a lot of things parents can try at home to support children with fear and anxiety. If the problem does not get better with support from parents and coping techniques, professional support may be needed. This is also important if the problem is more severe or lasts for a long time. Professional-led parent support may be an option. This is when professionals guide parents in supporting their children.
This blog post relates to fear (how to help kids with anxiety and fear). Here are some more blog posts related to the word “kids” (but not about helping kids with anxiety and fear) from other sites:
Does Fear Have a Place in the Life of a Christian? By Regina Marcazzo-Skarka
Living Fearless By Sharla Hallett
Why I am So Scared By Amy Cobb
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